I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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