I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize