I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
