there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am in a vortex of obligation.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
time to smoke my breakfast
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
