you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
