I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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