I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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