Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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