you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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