True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
