Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
