You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize