i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
