no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The air was thick with penises
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
