It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i think i just lost a toe
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
