There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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