don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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