That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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