guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This house was built for laser tag.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
