I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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