Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
