My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
