Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
