Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
