I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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