pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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