So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
