Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there's paper in my vomit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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