I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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