remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
