I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
