thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got inside last night via doggy door
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
