Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
