There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
