we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize