I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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