Don't make out with my wife yet
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
