it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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