i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
