I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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