It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize