whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
