I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
