he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
