Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
