Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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