What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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