well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Someone came in the potted fern
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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