You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
