SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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