Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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