i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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