You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
