Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im holly from the hills drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
