I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would fuck him just for his dog
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