Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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