Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize