yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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