My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize