Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
