i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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