I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
