Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
