I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
