He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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