Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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