Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
