he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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