Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
