piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize