I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
