So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
