Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
