i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
