Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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