What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would ride that face into the sunset
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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