Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize