I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
