Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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