2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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