why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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