So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
