im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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