We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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