Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
