I could have mohawked her pubes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize