good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
