my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
