Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
