fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Randomize
