There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
