Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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